I am a mix of emotions starting from the tips of my fingers spiraling down chasms and alleys and down down down towards that thing that throbs somewhere in between my ribs. All tangled hair and tangled brain, all scorching hot tears and memory fails. I liked it better when the sun shone brightly around us on days when I was alone and days when my heart ached. Took it for granted like apple trees that constantly bore fruit until it burned and died one day withering under the rain and the constant storm. I feel agitated with myself. Mister Right Now was fucking there and Mister Right was just gone. The feeling all pointed to one direction but the head veered away and away and away blame blame blame my stupidity and my unwilling head. Push pull push pull push pull. Scream your heart down telephone lines that only gives static empty sounds and distant uncaring breathings. Stare down your sunken eyes and smoke until the nicotine burns it's taste on your lips forever. I need you like water in my lungs. You are the blood in my veins. You are the sun before rain. You are my fucking high and my fucking low, you're the world that revolves slow, you're the one who picked me up and dusted me clean, and you're the hands that held mine tight when I was letting go. I'm this stupid girl who makes mistakes over and over again and not realising it until it's too late. I want to get things fixed. I will fix me, I will fix this. I love you so much that it hurts.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry.
Fuck you, self, fuck you so very very much.

IT WILL ALL BE OKAY.
Please let it all be okay. Please, please let it all be okay. Soon.